The Oath

As a fearless soldier, I, ____________ swear to everything I cherish and hold dear, to guard as well as serve from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health (mentally and physically), to worship and serve the supreme and heroic leader of Captania, Zee Captain, with absolute obedience, even into death and beyond.

In honour of the great One, I shall chant his name three times before sunrise of the new day. If so requested I shall serve tea at noon, polish shoes on Sunday and engage other members in long meaningless discussions for the sake of tormenting them as well as amusing Zee Captain. I____________ swear to perform 'Que sera' (except the last verse) with differing musical arrangements every day as well as perform a dance at 8:30 am to encourage the great and superior Leader of Captania, Captain, to brighten the coming day with his exuberant presence. 

I ___________ swear to response to any calls from the great and superior Leader of Captania, Captain. I shall worship the great and supreme Leader for at least ten hours a week, twelve including break-time. For the glorious and benevolent Captain, tea parties and other festivities will be held biweekly or whenever demanded. I also swear to idolize and protect the dear companion of the great and superior Leader, Zee Mug, at every five o'clock in the evening, followed by a cup of tea. I, ____________ swear to do no harm to any of the minions or possessions of the great and superior One, useless specified by him to do so.

I swear to be loyal and trustworthy to the Leader of Captania, Captain, with every fibre in my body and for every microsecond of my life. I swear to express the greatness of the omnipotent One at least once a week, in any shape or form. I, ____________ hereby discard any claim of insanity upon this moment of signing this Oath™ and cast aside any notion of free will.

I swear to fulfil any task given to me by the merciful Leader and either accomplish this, or perish while trying. I swear to take any punishment for breaking any parts of the sacred Oath, or for anything else I did wrong to displease the exalted Leader of Captania. 

Signed and bound by this Oath, in body and soul, to be claimed and commanded at the disposal of Zee Captain,
____________